Mad Alchemy

It happens to pretty much every cyclist at some point - and sometimes quite often. A non-cyclist wants to know what you're doing, what that piece of equipment is, why anybody would go sit on that tiny little seat for hours on end. And it's your job to make it not seem completely insane.

Once you've made $100 jerseys rational, sit them down for a talk about embrocation. "It's like a warming paste," you'll say. "On those dark, damp days when you'd rather stay inside with a cup of coffee, embrocation will get you through. Sure, you could just put pants on, but they'll just get wet and heavy and (blank stare) ... here, just smell this."

And that's when you bust out the Mad Alchemy embrocation and let them take a whiff. Unlike other embrocations out there, Mad Alchemy isn't loaded with petroleum products - it doesn't smell like Ben Gay. Only 100 percent natural ingredients are used in Mad Alchemy products, and they're designed to not only warm your skin, but keep it safe from winter's harsh sting. No, Mad Alchemy products smell amazing. Our own Velo Jones keeps a jar open in his office, almost like one of those wickless candles. Say what you will about the guy (and we have, trust us), but his office smells super-pro.

Mad Alchemy founder Pete Smith has cooked up a number of different blends, but we've chosen the two mainstays: Mellow and Medium. Think of them as a one-two punch against chilly weather. Use Mellow from 40 to 60 degrees and Medium for those chillier, under-40 days. In our own testing, a coat of Mellow made it possible to go sans knee warmers at 37 degrees. And in single digits, thermal tights over a coat of Medium kept us toasty warm for three-plus hours.

If you've never embrocated before, it might be best to start with Mellow. If you're a hardened, grizzled veteran, Medium is the way to go. Just remember the two rules of embrocation: 1) Chamois cream first, then embrocation (you don't want a warming cream on your ... um ... undercarriage) and 2) Wash your hands when you're done. It only takes a tiny bit of residue to make your eyes burn, your water bottle nozzle a bit too spicy and your bathroom breaks fairly uncomfortable. Just ask Velo Jones. He knows all about that.